I love black thongs
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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