the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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