They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
