wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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