Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize