come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize