sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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