you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
