There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
