maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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