Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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