The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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