Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
