Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
