Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
