I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
