I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
