if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
