Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
