He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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