Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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