i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
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