I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
