me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
