i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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