He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize