What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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