i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
