Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
it's like heaven, but drunker
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
