I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
