You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
