OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
