Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
