Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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