So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize