So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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