dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize