I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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