the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
