Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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