remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
