Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
