marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
