Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
