Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
