She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My vagina just clenched in fear
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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