Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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