it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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