He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
