she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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