At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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