Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
