Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
