I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
