I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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