i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
