I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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