Your tits are I can't wait for
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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