just come out here and I will go home with you...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
