I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
