i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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