I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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