bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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