I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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