I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
