I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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