Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
