If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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