So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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