Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
