This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
