New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I should be sponsored by Trojan
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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