your thong is hanging out like whoa
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
