I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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