I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
