My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
