xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
