Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
