Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
