I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
