Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
