Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
