we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
