I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
